When Laundry Might Mean Sex 
  

I haven't been logged on for ten seconds and an instant message pops on the screen.

bloodroot (10:52:45 AM): are you going to help me with my laundry?
 
It's Val. Val D'Orito. She had her name changed legally several years ago because she thought it was funny.

[While spell checking this post the spell checker changed her handle to bloodroot. At first, I was really pissed. Now I really like it. Keeps her somewhat anonymous, too. Like she wants to be anonymous anyway.]
 
christian_avery_2000 (10:52:52 AM): dirty panties?
 
She's one person I feel like I can say anything to and I do. She's an aspiring stand-up comic. She lives in a SOMA flat with thirteen other people. She drinks at work, slaps blind dates in the face, and kisses them passionately before retiring for the night. I feel entitled to preemptively sexually harass her, especially if she contacts me first. 

bloodroot (10:53:20 AM): yeah, no.

Val and I met on Friendster. I contacted her because she seemed like the perfect person to supplement my crisis.

Companionship, writing material, with no strings attatched.
 
christian_avery_2000 (10:53:28 AM): how was fri night?

I missed her open mike night.

bloodroot (10:53:30 AM): i don't wear underwear.  
 
And there's the trans-atlantic delay. It happens whenever I use IM.

bloodroot (10:53:47 AM): it was amazing. i'm glad it's over. i REALLY have to do it more often.
 
christian_avery_2000 (10:54:01 AM): so it went really well?
 
bloodroot (10:54:02 AM): i'm making myself go to two open mikes this week.
 
bloodroot (10:54:04 AM): yup.
 
christian_avery_2000 (10:54:08 AM): right on.

bloodroot (10:54:23 AM): how was the 'slideshow"?
 
christian_avery_2000 (10:54:37 AM): hmmm. really fucking boring, but...
 
You've been warned. See "Here is my solemn pledge to you all."

bloodroot (10:54:43 AM): NO!!

bloodroot (10:54:51 AM): what a SURPRISE!

christian_avery_2000 (10:54:54 AM): people made fun of the presenter the whole time, so that made up for it.

bloodroot (10:54:59 AM): ah.

christian_avery_2000 (10:55:04 AM): great house.

christian_avery_2000 (10:55:08 AM): really good food.

We interupt this program for some breaking news:

christian_avery_2000 (10:55:14 AM): and i took a date.

bloodroot (10:55:15 AM): that's nice.

bloodroot (10:55:24 AM): ah.

christian_avery_2000 (10:55:29 AM): yes.

bloodroot (10:55:36 AM): hows that workin' out for you?

She uses this line like she wrote it. It disgusts me.

christian_avery_2000 (10:55:55 AM): a little weird, because it's moving a bit too fast.

bloodroot (10:56:01 AM): oh dear.

christian_avery_2000 (10:56:04 AM): yes.

bloodroot (10:57:04 AM): okay. i have to get up. get out of bed. i stay up late for no reason.
 
christian_avery_2000 (10:57:25 AM): you seem like that type.

bloodroot (10:57:33 AM): bye bye and good luck. soo.. really.. when are you gonna do my laundry.

Is "laundry"a euphemism for sex? 

I decide it isn't. Val is the type of person who would've used qoutes. In other online communications, she has used them copiously.

To the "point" where "they" haven't any "meaning".

So maybe she does mean sex.

bloodroot (10:57:36 AM): ???

christian_avery_2000 (10:57:45 AM): huh?

I'm really confused. 

bloodroot (10:57:48 AM): fine.

bloodroot (10:57:52 AM): jerk.

bloodroot (10:57:55 AM): "thanks".

bloodroot (10:57:58 AM): ugh...

She meant sex.  Didn't she?

christian_avery_2000 (10:58:06 AM): we should meet for a Potrero 24 fit workout.

I offer platonic sweat.

She's gone.

christian_avery_2000 (11:02:17 AM):

[This was an emoticon. A confused, shoulder shrugging smiley with a question mark over his head]

I log out.