The Pursuit of Happiness
I am in such a strange mood. I don't feel like I want to be here, here in San Francisco.
The thing is that I rarely want to be anywhere I usually am. Why am I so discontent? I have a good life. I have food, a place to sleep, no life threatening diseases, and a few friends to lean on when I need them. I don't want to believe it's chemical. I hate thinking about that. Why would nature put me here lacking a chemical that makes me feel good?
Things I think will make me happier:
1) More money -- better economics will help me leave the country. After the past year, I've become a travel junkie just waiting for his next fix.
2) More friends -- I'm seriously lacking in this department in the Bay Area. Portland has the right mix of friends and family. I've got too much time for myself around here.
3) Long term goal -- I feel like a big slacker. The few friends I do have in San Francisco either have a graduate degree or are currently working on one. My goals, however, are a little bit simpler: accumulate enough wealth to buy a surfboard, travel through Baja California, experience Europe, see Turkey, and visit other countries I barely know anything about and would be hard pressed to even locate on a map.
I feel better after writing about this. It had to be said. I think I've conjured up enough strength to open my Microsoft Money program now.
Happiness starts today.
I am in such a strange mood. I don't feel like I want to be here, here in San Francisco.
The thing is that I rarely want to be anywhere I usually am. Why am I so discontent? I have a good life. I have food, a place to sleep, no life threatening diseases, and a few friends to lean on when I need them. I don't want to believe it's chemical. I hate thinking about that. Why would nature put me here lacking a chemical that makes me feel good?
Things I think will make me happier:
1) More money -- better economics will help me leave the country. After the past year, I've become a travel junkie just waiting for his next fix.
2) More friends -- I'm seriously lacking in this department in the Bay Area. Portland has the right mix of friends and family. I've got too much time for myself around here.
3) Long term goal -- I feel like a big slacker. The few friends I do have in San Francisco either have a graduate degree or are currently working on one. My goals, however, are a little bit simpler: accumulate enough wealth to buy a surfboard, travel through Baja California, experience Europe, see Turkey, and visit other countries I barely know anything about and would be hard pressed to even locate on a map.
I feel better after writing about this. It had to be said. I think I've conjured up enough strength to open my Microsoft Money program now.
Happiness starts today.
posted by c. @ 10:40 AM
4 Comments:
At 10:15 PM,
c. said…
Heidi, I thought about the line "Great art is born out of discontent" all afternoon. I feel most imaginative and creative when I'm unsatisfied with life. Love can bring about terrific bouts of card making and lamp designing, but only sadness and a two liter of Diet Coke will get me to paint a room three separate colors.
Hun, I think it's funny that so many people think only rich people travel. It's great you realize it's not about the money, rather the desire to dedicate yourself to the experience. I'm excited you're considering "falling off the roster".` You must do it. Do you need a travel partner?
At 1:42 AM,
Dern said…
Dude,
Definitely not aboot the money. Having more of something does not necessarily make anyone happier. Are yuppies happy people? I mean inwardly and truely happy?
-DERN (souless yuppy)
At 10:02 AM,
Sherry said…
I know that it's not about the money. In the relationship I was in previous to this one, I had access to more money than I had ever had (or ever seen) in my life. I was not happy. I don't think I ever would have been.
Now, I have about $23.00 in my bank account, am in debt up to my eyeballs, and couldn't be happier if I tried. I am in love with someone who is so special and so perfect for me, and I am doing the job I was meant to do for my whole life... both of these things have made all the difference. I used to jokingly tell my Mom that there was no way that my professional life and personal life could ever both be doing well at the same time- if that ever happened the space-time continuum would collapse in on itself. Now, here it is and I am still walking and talking and hell hasn't frozen over. And the space-time continuum is just fine.
Whatever it is you want, Christian, don't wait. Make every day count towards your goals. You will mourn every day that passes that you haven't made progress in that direction. That's the discontent that you feel, it's the loss of irreplaceable time in your life while waiting for something better to happen.
Sherry
At 7:38 PM,
Anonymous said…
i had a long obscenity-filled rant about my dilike of people, nihlism and other stuff, but i edited it and will instead offer:
dude: discontent is a) normal, b) the only reason stuff gets done.
really, if everything was perfect, if everything was the way i had always dreamed, what would i have to do with the rest of my life?
sure, i'm not always wonderfully happy, and i don't wish it on my friends. i'm pretty happy with the direction my life is going though.
if you're not, get off the train and find a different mode of transport.
tf
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