I imagine myself standing at the edge of a great body of water. The water is placid and blue. It looks man made. No rocks, no trees, nothing but water and a line of skyscrapers in front of it.

My stomach churns and I will the nausea to leave my body. I take a small step forward and I fall into the water. At first, there is a great splash.

[Cut to camera two.]

Show the angle shown so many times before in the movies and on the Summer Olympics. The details of the diver are distorted by the water. Large bubbles lift to the surface; tiny bubbles chase behind. I begin to drift weightlessly with the smallest of bubbles gathering around my eyebrows and ears.

It's a fucking cliche, but it feels good.

It feels good to imagine being comforted in this time of loneliness and despair by a big, blue depressing lake--somewhere I don't have to live, but somewhere I don't have to die either. I just have to exist--floating aimlessly down--feeling like something unborn--letting the water's density break my fall.

I think about my family back home, their Christmas dinner, and how calling them on Christmas morning would require dialing at midnight from an internet cafe.

All the internet cafes are closed at midnight.

I think about all the shitty buffets that are going to be served here. I hate Chiang Mai and its invisible charm.

When I open my eyes, my pillow has a round, wet dot on it. I look at Krista. She's laying face up reading a book called Drowning Ruth. It looks like she has about ten pages until the back cover stops her. Her carotid artery

bulges.........

bulges.....

bulges.

The skin under her chin droops ever so slightly. I think how this doesn't matter. How I am fortunate to have her with me. How I really do love her.

"This book is drama," she states.

Silence.

"I think I need to go write," I say to her.

"You don't feel well--you should probably stay here," she replies.

I roll to my left side and stand feeling like putty.

Words can make the pain go away.

I kiss her knee to say goodbye.

[End scene.]